laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
