I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
