my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
