I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
