so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
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Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
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This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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