I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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