I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
