You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
