you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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