Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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