Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
