I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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