I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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