somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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