Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
