Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
