he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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