I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
