based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
