Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
a search helicopter?!
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
