Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
