I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
