I wish I could teleport
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?