herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
