My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
ok first of all what the fuck
2020 sucks, I want a refund
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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