i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
