Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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