:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
