8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
