the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
This house was built for laser tag.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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