just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
