Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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