My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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