so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
