ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
