How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
So apparently I’m into choking now
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
