I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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