So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize