i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
