How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
no, he came in my armpit
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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