bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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