Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
well you can't waste a boner
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
