you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
cat food counts as protein by the way
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize