it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
