If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
