If i come over, it means nothing
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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