the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
