I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
