I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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