I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
