he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
