I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
