he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
