I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
