I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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