And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
