Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
