I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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