you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
