I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
